Stop 'Shoulding' on Yourself

A few days ago I was on a boat on Lake Como in Italy with my son Dane (22). At one point he pointed to something impossible: a strand of hair suspended in mid-air under the boat's railing, twitching rapidly in the wind but somehow defying gravity.

'Look Dad,' he said, 'it's a glitch in the Matrix.'

We laughed at this seemingly out-of-place thing that wasn't supposed to be there. But his joke got me thinking about how often I treat my own life like a glitch - like where I am right now isn't where I'm supposed to be.

Yesterday proved his point. I walked into the Arizona State NARPM chapter conference and within an hour, I was drowning in 'glitch' thoughts about my own business.

I talked with some of my local heroes, some of whom started their businesses around the same time I did but who are managing 2-10 times more doors that we are. Then on my drive home I talked with someone who owns a PM business and is considering a strong 7 figure exit offer.

And there it was, that familiar headtrash flooding my mind: I should be further along by now. I should have built faster. I should be on stage instead of sitting in the audience taking notes.

Classic 'shoulding' on myself.

Have you been there? That conference moment when everyone seems smarter, more successful, more... where you think you should be? Or maybe it hits you when an employee quits unexpectedly, or when you try on pants that don't fit anymore.

'Shoulding' on ourselves is when we 'try on' the lie that where we are right now is not where we 'should' be. It's a dangerous form of self-denial that sabotages our state.

The truth is, you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now in every single way imaginable. Where you are right now is perfectly where you should be.

I know that sounds crazy when you're sitting in a conference audience instead of on stage, or when your buddy is fielding 7-figure exit offers while you're still grinding. But thinking who or where you are, what you've accomplished so far 'should be' something different than what it is locks up, ties up, redirects part of your energy away from being here right now with maximum presence and influence for what is right in front of you.

Headtrash is a constant for me. I deal with it every day. And one of the most pervasive forms of headtrash I deal with on a regular basis is thoughts about what 'should' be.

'Shoulding' on myself is a lack of trust in God's timing in my life. It's me thinking I know better what my past should have been.

It's so tempting for me to beat myself up when confronted with evidence (in other's accomplishments) about what is possible rather than accept that what I have experienced has put me right where He can mold and shape me for what is next.

Accepting, embracing, loving where you are financially, spiritually, professionally, personally, physically is a vital step to having access, right now, to your greatest possible state of being to live today to its fullest potential.

'Should' isn't an evil word on its own. I should continue going to the gym with my son. We should treat each other better. No one should be harmed for speaking their truth... It's when we look at the past and represent that it should have been different - that it should have placed us somewhere other than where we are - that we're lying to ourselves.

All our past experiences can be marshaled for tremendous gain and good or weaponized against our self-worth and self-expression. Let 'should' be an expression of future possibility for good, not the lie that we are fundamentally flawed by something we cannot control.

You are who you should be right now

You are where you should be right now

You are what you should be right now

Any thought that enters your mind to the contrary is headtrash weakening you in the all-important present. And your state in the present is your most powerful tool for personal transformation and influence on others.

So this week, catch yourself 'shoulding' on your past. When that familiar headtrash creeps in - at the next conference, the next comparison, the next moment you feel behind - ask yourself: What is this season trying to teach me that I need for what's ahead?

Stop 'shoulding' on yourself and start showing up fully present for what's in front of you today, accepting that your story is unfolding exactly as it should, operating from acceptance instead of anxiety. I'm in this with you! You got this!