Breaking Free: Ending Abusive Business Relationships in Property Management

You wouldn't stay in an abusive romantic relationship (I hope). Why do so many property management entrepreneurs tolerate abusive business ones?

"I thought they needed me. Turns out, I needed their approval more than they honored me and my value." Sound familiar?

I love this clip from Jordan Peterson. He points out that while it's impossible to know the full truth about anything, we can start by focusing on the truths we do know: there are things we're doing that are clearly hurting us. And often, we can be more certain about these harmful patterns than almost anything else in our lives. For property managers, one of those certainties is exiting toxic client relationships.

Why We Get Trapped

The small property manager entrepreneur is often a sensitive type with a strong emotional need to please people. This sensitivity creates the grit needed to serve demanding clients, but it can lead to an unhealthy codependence that sets the bar too low across our entire industry.

Here's why we stay in these losing relationships:

• We confuse loyalty with obligation - We believe sticking with difficult clients demonstrates our commitment to service, when it actually demonstrates a lack of commitment to ourselves.

• We're afraid of short-term conflict or financial loss - We fear that if we say no to certain behaviors, clients won't change and they'll leave, impacting our monthly cash flow.

• We underestimate the cost to our mental energy - The opportunity cost of remaining in toxic relationships is costing far more than the money they're bringing in.

• We telegraph our fears and insecurities - We inadvertently instruct clients how to treat us through what we're willing to tolerate.

• We believe we can absorb the impact without affecting others - It's a dangerous fallacy that we can shield everyone else from the negative effects of these relationships.

Before we get to the ‘how’ to exit, know that seeing a clearer ‘what’ and having a powerful ‘why’ and what are more important than ‘how’. Here’s Tony Robbins laying this out beautifully.

You should ask: What price have you paid for trying to make a broken client relationship "work"? Now times that by 10 and you’ll be closer to the real impact.

The Hidden Collateral Damage

Every time we say yes to an abusive request, acquiesce to a punishing demand, or bow our head to unhealthy criticism, we're not just hurting ourselves—we're actively harming:

• Our best clients - The ones who treat us with respect and deserve our full attention and energy are receiving less than our best because we're emotionally depleted and short on time

• Our team members - They feel the ripple effects of toxic client interactions through our stressed leadership, divided focus, and the precedent we set for acceptable treatment

• Our families - Those who rely on us for emotional support experience the residual stress, frustration, and diminished joy we bring home after dealing with these relationships

• Our business potential - The mental bandwidth consumed by problem clients prevents us from innovation, growth, and pursuing truly beneficial opportunities

It's arrogant to think we can take these "fiery arrows in our chest" without the poison spreading throughout our organization. The negative impacts of bad client relationships harm everyone in our orbit—and it's our responsibility to recognize this wider damage.

Sidebar: Mel Robbins gives a great suggestion on how to handle people who talk over you. Check out this clip, it’s great.

Recognize the Abusive Business Relationships you are in

Every time we acquiesce to a punishing demand or bow our head to unhealthy criticism, we turn over our authority to an angry, punitive client. But how do we know when a relationship has crossed the line? Look for:

• Constant disrespect or undermining - They question our expertise or decisions regardless of our experience

• Communication manipulation - Withholding information, ghosting, or creating artificial urgency

• Passive-aggressive blame games - Nothing is ever their fault, and everything is ours

• One-sided expectations - They demand immediate responses but take days to answer our inquiries

• Energy drain instead of multiplication - After interactions, we feel depleted rather than engaged

Even high-paying clients can be abusive. If they erode our team's morale or force us to neglect our best clients, they're costing WAY more than they're worth.

The Path to Self-Advocacy

Before we can advocate for win-win relationships, we need to foster a sense of:

• Self-worth - The confidence to feel worthy enough and intolerant of anything less than mutual respect

• Clarity - The ability to identify what a win looks like for us in business relationships

• Courage - The strength to have difficult conversations and make difficult choices

How to Exit with Integrity (and Strength)

Once you’ve committed to exiting your Lose-Win relationships try this:

1. Create a bottom 5% list - Write down the names of your most challenging, draining clients. Document specific unsatisfactory situations with dates. Review this list regularly.

2. Categorize relationships - Sort clients into:

   • Those we've decided to exit (once placed here, don't reconsider)

   • Those requiring a difficult conversation to reset expectations

3. Set deadlines - Give ourself specific timeframes for having necessary conversations and, if needed, providing termination notices.

4. Act quickly when our gut speaks - When our intuition tells we something is wrong with a client relationship, address it immediately. The longer we stay, the more difficult and dramatic the eventual breakup will be. This is where courage becomes crucial—delaying only makes the inevitable harder.

5. Have the conversation - When addressing issues:

   • Name the pattern without sugarcoating

   • Take responsibility for our part—what we've allowed or enabled

   • Communicate clearly, calmly, and with finality

Pause right here… There are some clients you need to speak with who are not yet on the list to exit, but need a strong level-setting relationship conversation. For me here is a really powerful way of addressing this conversation: “We have changed as a company. I have changed as the leader of the company. In the past I made promises and agreements with you I can no longer fulfill and I owe it to you to be honest about those and let you know what I can do going forward. Can we talk about this?” In the past I agreed (either in contract or in behavior) to…. Now going forward I need to empower my team to do…. etc

Replace resentment with boundaries - Instead of harboring negative feelings, create clear guidelines for future relationships.

No matter what conversation needs to be had, start with the heart - For clients with whom we have the most tension, consider directing positive thoughts their way daily (try praying for them). This practice can help lighten our emotional burden and make we more effective during difficult conversations.

Remember: The longer a relationship has been toxic, the more challenging the breakup may be. Accept that ending long-standing problematic relationships will likely be more difficult than addressing newer ones. Prepare accordingly but don’t delay taking action.

Sometimes we think we will exit the next time there’s bad behavior or a blow-up. This is incorrect thinking. We should exit now, when things are smooth. Do not wait for the need to exit to become urgent. It needs to be done now, while things are relatively smooth.

The Reward of Courage

When we release relationships that drain our energy and spirit, we create space for new opportunities. The universe fills that vacuum with healthier, more productive relationships that generate both revenue and satisfaction.

By standing up for ourselves:

• we free up tremendous energy and enthusiasm

• we properly serve our best clients who deserve our full attention

• we protect our team from toxic influences

• we model healthy boundaries for our family and others who rely on we

Your Call to Action

What client relationships are costing you more than they give?

Say the sentence: "This isn't working." Being honest with yourself is the first step. Also tell yourself “I am done trying to make this work and I need to exit now.”

Make the move. Reclaim our energy. And watch how quickly that void fills with clients who value what you bring to the table. Trust that exiting the wrong relationships will bring a 5x - 10x reward.

The private victory of self-respect precedes the public victory of a thriving, healthy business. The work begins in our own heart—feeling worthy of enough self-love and intolerant of anything less.

Your business, your team, your family, and your best clients are counting on you to make this change.

Finally, I don’t know you, but as someone who has struggled staying in the wrong relationship too long in the past, I love you. You got this. This is the right thing and it’s time to be courageous and get it done. You’ll love and thank yourself afterward and you’ll reach a higher plane of being.